The Moment of Truth (Part 1)

Does true love really exist?

This question wandered my mind since the time I entered adolescence. If it does exist, what is true love. I have had beautiful memories since my school days. I grew up watching people walking hand in hand, laughing together, sharing cool drinks, talking over phone for long hours and so many other trivial things but each of them had a lasting image on me.

Does doing these things mean people are in true love?

I befriended a girl in my class when I was in 8th grade. When I told my dad that I liked her, he laughed saying it was just attraction. I still argued it to be true love. Days passed, we spent more and more time together. I was one of the most notorious kids in the class. Whenever teachers punished me for my nasty acts, she used to cry.

After one of our tests, teacher asked me to collect the answer sheets from students and hand it over to her. I did as told and started walking towards her cabin. Curiosity took over and on the way I searched for her answer sheet and started looking into it. I corrected a small error which she had made.

After two weeks, the corrected answer sheets were supposed to be distributed in the class room. We had six subjects and six of us stood up to distribute. My friend went first and took math papers. I had stood up only to distribute them but was disappointed at not being able to do that.

I had to somehow take it from him or else all my heroics would go in vain. I asked him for them and as expected he didn’t give it to me. I demanded for the papers and offered some money. He wouldn’t budge. Finally, I had to trade my lucky pen with him for those papers.

The most awaited moment came. I started distributing the papers. I gave her and waited for a minute longer for her to respond. She was surprised and threw a questioning glance at me. I smiled :-) . I just love these memories.  

These incidents over time made each other very special to one another. Now, I told my dad that I was in love with her. He would ask me what is love. I told him these trivial events and tried convincing him, he would say it's just infatuation. I knew there was no point arguing with him and so shut myself.

We were two innocent kids enjoying each others company and not worried about what the world thought of us. Every moment was special with her.

And when I was in my final grade, I was told she would be leaving town. I just didn't know how to react. I met her and was confused if I had attraction/ infatuation/ love towards her. She was crying (Of course tears roll down at their will) and I really tried but not one drop fell from my eyes.

I told I would really miss her. She had no words to describe her plight. I had rather a longer walk than usual to my home without her company. I was upset. I told dad about the whole incident. He said something which didn't make much sense then but makes a lot of sense today.

"Its always good to end few things on a high note. Man proposes but God disposes. Both of you liked each other but had to depart at his will. It was a pure relationship, be proud of it. Cherish these memories forever. Maybe, the next time and every time you end your relationship henceforth won't be as sweet as this".

Well, he was right!

The Ideal Girl

Is there really a ideal girl? What's the definition of "ideal"?

Well, assume a scenario wherein there is only one girl in this world. Don't we just like her for the way she is without introspecting or retrospecting. We like the way she talks, the way she treats and just notice her every move as if its sort of out of the world. If she fights with you, you feel bad but you are sure that things get back to normal and you will still like her.

And now, assume that there are two girls. Repeat the incidents again, we start comparing each other and take the best in each of them and hate the rest. It's not that the rest of their traits are bad but just that the other person seems to be better as we are comparing two people here and are choosing the good characteristics from them. Lol, I don't mean to say the problem is with the choice and a few of you might think this is in contradiction with my previous article. Well, I will clear the air. The choice is left to you to make. There's almost always a choice we have, when it comes to our life partners. If not, you are blessed.

Moving on, this is too common with many boys and girls. We always compare one with the other and get hurt. We forget the fact that a person is suppose to behave the way he/she is suppose to behave and not the way we want them to and crib over the way the person responds. People can't expect me to be the way they want but I am the way I am. Apply the same logic to others, give a second chance, a third chance and maybe a fiftieth chance too. Your mom will never leave you either for your first mistake or for your hundredth mistake.

Once there is a room for comparison, we start thinking of the ideal person and start comparing with the ideal character.

What's exactly the ideal character?

They are just the happy moments we see in others and perceive it to reflect in everyone. There's no really a ideal girl. Its just the myth we have developed over time. Before ending I want to share this particular incident.

This incident happened six years ago. I was travelling in a local bus. A girl was sitting opposite to me a few seats away, reading The Notebook (novel). I could only see her eyes first. I just couldn't lay my eyes off her, she was splendid. A few seconds passed, yet the face is not visible. Suddenly, she kept the book down and caught me staring at her. Let me tell you, when a boy looks at a girl, the whole world will know. When a girl looks at a boy, even she wouldn't know.

And then, I had no option but to do a typical boy thing. I took out my phone and pretended to have received a message. Then, I looked at her, she looks away. Then she looked at me, I look back (Another thing which we do, we are never sure if the girl is really looking at us). I notice no one behind. Then I was sure it had to be me, by then she started walking towards me, my heart began beating faster and faster. I moved a little, so that she can occupy the seat beside me. She's walking and my heart is almost running out of capacity to pump. Well, she smiles and just gets down from the bus.

I wake up from my dream. Was she the ideal girl?

Sleepless Nights

Today is one of those days I am sleepless. I try to sleep but these thoughts just don't let me rest. My thoughts wander from my goals to marriage to past memories. I try turning towards the left and then right, yet no avail. I have this superstition that if I turn to the right, I will dream about my future goals and if I turn towards my left, I will dream about my future wife (Or atleast a date with a girl who doesn't annoy me). Today, I am confused of which side to turn to, so I just stare at the ceiling and wonder about my past memories.

I always had a choice to make just like the choice now to decide which side to turn to, to sleep. I wonder if it's only me provided with choices or is that every one gets a chance to choose their choices,  or is it just a chance people wish to take without a choice.

The choice to choose between the girl my parents want me to marry, or the girl I like. Or a goal I wish to pursue or still continue to work. Its always been tough for me to choose. Yet, people still need choices. Should I still listen to my dad to take decisions or am I old enough to make my own? Should I mingle more with my colleagues or still hang out with my college friends? Should I order a coffee or tea?

Well, my inner voice says- "Choose a choice and make sure it doesn't go wrong. What if it really goes wrong? Then again, there are two perspectives. If I chose what my dad said about it, then if I fail, I will blame him and feel sad about it. Rather, if I choose what I feel, even if I fail, I will blame myself but won't feel sad about it and ensure that I rectify the mistake. This can be other way too, dad's perspective might be better than my perspective. It's all about making a choice and moving on instead of wondering and delaying our action. What is suppose to happen will happen, making it happen the way you want is your choice.

And finally, Always have a choice before you decide about anything. It just gives a new dimension to your thinking. I am turning towards the left and sleeping now. My next article will be about the ideal girl I date in my dream.

Till then, Good night. :-)