And then I knew it was the last time I was going to see her.
The day arrived to save me from further ordeal. Years of pain would soon become
history. The dreams would never be true. The wait which was always longer
would no longer be waited upon.
Why did I even ask her to meet me today?
Last time I spoke to her was 3 months back. Although 3
months seemed like more than 3 decades, but I still lived every day, every
minute in the memory of her. I used to recall all the good memories and wept to
bed, slept for a few hours and woke up at the thought of her and die during the
day in her memories. No living soul could bring me peace. I fought a losing
battle, yet there was slender hope in me of her coming back and brightening my
life.
But today, everything is shattered and an irrevocable damage
is caused. The thought of her and the urge to meet her made me call her; but
the poor girl thought I had moved on and so agreed to meet. Little did she know
that I would be proposing her for the zillionth time!
All that she said was “I’m in a relationship and I really
hope our paths never cross”.
These were the last lines I would ever hear from her. The little world I had created ceased to exist
and the road to the future which I had built was left with no travelers. Time
passes but memories hardly fade. It took a few minutes for me to get hold of
the present and return my way back.
It all started six years ago. Two years after the painful
breakup with the childhood sweetheart (The moment of truth- Part 1).
It took two years to
get over her and strongly believe that true love doesn’t exist, and a few more
days to fall in love again.
The first
day
The evening was calm and the light was getting dimmer. I just
love moments such as this, it brings lot of calmness to a messed up mind. I had
a long leisure walk and was returning home. A girl was walking in the opposite
direction and her long hair was dancing to the tunes of the wind. She caught my
attention for one full minute and disappeared. Her thoughts passed my mind a
few times and I soon forgot about her.
After few
days
I was waiting for a bus and saw her walking towards the bus
stand. The sight of her for the second time made my heart miss a beat. I
glanced at her often and was wondering how could others around me miss a beauty
or was it only me finding her beautiful.
Bus arrived and she got in first. If you are lucky, you will
get a seat in a public bus. If you are blessed, you will get a seat next to a
beautiful girl. Yes, I was blessed. I sat beside her and my heart was beating
faster than ever. It took a few minutes to calm down. It never passed my mind
to talk to her but just sitting beside her made my day.
I had to stop thinking
about her and more importantly stop looking at her. I didn’t want her to grow
suspicious and make a fool out of myself. I took out a novel and started
staring at it. My lips were reading but the mind was elsewhere. And she spoke
first.
“Excuse me??”
I initially thought it wasn’t me whom she called. She called
again. Now, it had to be me. I was wondering I wasn’t glancing at her now but
why did she call me. Was it because I was staring at her in the bus stand or a
few minutes ago inside the bus? I looked at her and for the first time made eye
contact with her. This was enough to
make me fall for her.
“Is it Atlas Shrugged?”
“Yes”
“A good novel. Happy reading”.
I could only just smile; no words came out of my mouth. After
a few stops, I had to get down. I thought of telling her bye but she was busy
listening to music.
Friendship
It doesn’t take much time for a guy to find details about a
girl and it takes much lesser time for a girl to find details about a boy. So
was the case now.
I was just done playing cricket and was walking back home. I
heard someone call my name and turned back. It was her. I didn’t know her name but
she had found out mine.
“My brother plays cricket with you and that’s how I found out
about you”.
I knew her brother plays cricket but didn’t know that they had
a conversation about me. He was that little kid who joined us a few days back
and was fit only to be a ball boy. His fortunes would change from next game
onwards.
Before I could speak, she introduced herself and told that
they were new to the locality and that she didn’t have any friends.
It’s always good to meet a girl with few friends but
extremely great to meet a girl with no friends. You don’t get a chance to
listen to the problems of the world. We spoke for a brief while about each others background and departed.
These short walks continued every day after cricket. After
few days, we exchanged our numbers and started chatting. Soon the chats turned
into phone calls. After a few months, it so happened that we used to talk all
night on phone and meet during the day and hardly slept.
The
downfall
And then the day finally came.
I proposed to her and she disposed. This was the first time
we ever had an argument after months of knowing each other. She spoke at length
of how she looked at me as a friend and confided in me all her secrets and I
had turned traitor by asking her out. Well, I was friend zoned. There was no
way out except to shut myself up.
I think there is not yet a way found to win
an argument against a woman in this world. I am still patiently waiting for the day to arrive.
3 days passed and we didn’t talk to each other. She made efforts to get in
touch with me, I wouldn’t budge. My mantra was clear; accept me as your boyfriend,
after which shall the talks resume.
I could no longer resist. I ended up talking to her but was
careful enough not to mention about dating. A few days passed and everything
became normal. Whenever I used to retrospect, I found that this friendship was
no less than a relationship but was perplexed why she didn’t want to term it
so. There were times when I brought this topic up but we ended up fighting
harder than the previous time.
We reached the pinnacle of fights after a few years. The
innocence had died in both of us and gave birth to ego and greed. It hurt me
whenever I spoke to her and hurt me even more when I didn’t talk to her.
In one
of the heated exchanges between us, I slapped her which I regret it to this
day. Probably I won the argument but I was utterly wrong and learned the lesson the
hard way. I apologized but it wouldn’t heal the inner wound in either of us. 3
months of not talking and then I made another try which became the last ever.
Epilogue
Life is a great teacher; it gives the test first and then
teaches the lesson. I learned a few things at the expense of more than what I
could offer. There is no point defending oneself or regretting a missed chance.
What is not rightfully yours will never be yours and would be futile even if
you try again and again. Lesson taken and life moves on. As you grow older,
these lessons only make you wiser and we commit lesser mistakes.
